20 Minute Meditation "Retreats" - The Real Happiness 28 Day Challenge

As you may have guessed, I am a proponent of meditation.  The reason I love meditation is that it is a spiritual practice with very down-to-earth effects.

Meditation works. On the days that I meditate (and in the weeks and months that I maintain a regular meditation practice, even if not daily), my life runs more smoothly, with a greater sense of grace and flow. I am more open to the possibilities in front of me, rather than caught  up in what I need to get done by the end of the day or the end of the week.  I am calmer, more present, and more easily able to focus.  I am better able (and more likely) to respond rather than react when challenges present themselves or someone says something that ruffles my feathers.  I more often notice when I am taking on the energy of other people, so that I can put up my shield and mitigate its effects.

What do I mean by "meditation"?  Simply a focused time of silence and openness.  Sometimes that might mean paying attention to my breath.  Sometimes it may mean gazing into the light of a candle, and inviting light to flow into and through me.  Sometimes it may mean - gently and with genuine curiosity rather than judgment - watching my thoughts or exploring my emotions.  And sometimes it is something like prayer.

My clients often ask me how to get started with meditation, or how to keep at it when their lives get busy.

One excellent resource is the book Real Happiness by Sharon Salzberg, which also includes a CD with four 20 minute audio meditations to help you get started.  This book was published in the UK under the more descriptive title: The Power of Meditation: A 28-Day Programme for Real Happiness.

I have been recommending this book to everyone I know:   Here's why:

1. It's a simple, secular, "how to" manual for getting started with a meditative practice in 28 days.  Note:  you do not have to meditate every day to "succeed" with this program.  In fact, only three 20 minute periods are "required" in the first week of the program.  And if 20 minutes is too much, you may do 10 minutes, or even 5.  The important thing is not the amount of time but your intention to meditate regularly.


2. It includes suggestions for a dozen or so different ways to meditate, so you can find one that works for you, or mix it up depending on your need or mood.


3. It does not require a certain set of religous beliefs (or any religious belief).  It is a practical, down to earth guide that provides a road map from one who has gone before - and taught countless others (include brief bio of Salzberg).  Patterns of how we can trip ourselves up.


4. Most of all, for the constant refrain of "it's never too late to begin again."  If you set aside 20 minutes to meditate and realize on minute 18 that your mind has been wandering the entire time, you simply begin again with the next breath. 


5. The hard copy book (but, alas, not the Kindle version) includes a CD with audio instructions for four of the meditations, for those who prefer to learn auditorily.

What I found from following this program last September:

• Reading just a few pages every now and again helped me digest the material and helped keep my attention on my intention.


• The audios reinforced the reading, and gave me practice "cues."


• I became much gentler (more compassionate) toward myself, and started extending the compassion I extend to others also to myself.


• I became much more aware of how critical and negative one of my inner voices is, and learned to see the critical tone as a signal that part of me was feeling neglected, or worried, and to listen for the positive message seeking to be expressed.

I am feeling the need, as I do periodically, to be more intentional about my meditation practice, so I will be taking the 28 day challenge again starting February 1st.   I invite you to join me.  The challenge does not require you to meditate for 28 days straight.  In fact, the first week "requires" that you meditate only 3 times, and only for as long as seems possible.  Five or ten minutes three times a week is enough to make a difference.

I'd love to know if you will be joining me.  Please comment below and let me know.

A One Question Retreat

What if you could love yourself the way I love you?  -God


What if you could love yourself the way God loves you?
(Feel free to substitute your own word for God or the name of the most compassionate, loving, welcoming person you know.)

What would it be like to give yourself that level of respect?

What would it be like to give yourself that much empathy and compassion?

What would it be like:

• To see your mistakes through the eyes of love, rather than judgment?
• To really claim your talents, your strengths, and your idiosyncrasies?
• To fully acknowledge your challenges, without being consumed by them?
• To know that you have a God-given right to take up space in this world?
• To treat yourself the way you would treat an honored guest? 

What would that be like?  What if you could love yourself THAT much?

National Relaxation Day - August 15th

According to a recent survey, three-quarters of Americans would like to see National Relaxation Day become a national holiday: http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/americans-want-to-make-national-relaxation-day-an-official-holiday-127456878.html

The survey was commissioned by Princess Cruise Ships, and that could well easily have swayed the results (I'm not maligning the pollsters, just noting the source...) But a casual glance at my friends, colleagues, store clerks and other people I come into contact with every day bears out the truism that people find it hard to find time to relax.

We are being bombarded with information and asked to do more with less every day. It can sometimes feel like we live in a pressure cooker. We get lots of cooking done, but we're waiting for the day we can release the steam valve. Some days it feels like that won't happen until retirement.

Ways to release the valve:

1) Control your e-mail rather than letting it control you:
http://www.wisdomheart.org/2011/meditation-email/

2) Take a lunch break - even if it is only a 10 minute walk to the coffee shop. Getting out of the office, into the plein air will revive you and help you hit the re-set button.

3) Take a One Hour Retreat once a week. Need some ideas? Scroll down for prior posts, or sign up for my free e-book in the box to the right.

4) Take a vacation. It needn't be extravagant. It needn't even be away from home. A stay-cation can work, as long as you are committed to taking a vacation from routine. Painting your house can be a vacation - the Zen of painting is a break from the ringing phone, pinging e-mail and constant interruptions that plague many jobs.

And let it be known that, while the survey says people in general do not agree, I am firmly in the camp of experts who espouse "me" time. While I agree that it can sometimes take a couple of days to truly wind down, I also know that it is possible to relax in a single moment. And practice makes perfect.

What is your favorite way to relax? Please share it below.

Brain Decluttering a la Harry Potter

My daughter grew up on the Harry Potter books - and in some ways, so did I.  So, in honor of today's release of the last of the movie series, I offer a mind clearing technique inspired by Harry Potter.

If you are a Potter fan , you are familiar with Professor Dumbledore’s magical Pensieve.  And, if you're not a Potter fan, you have probably already stopped reading. 

The Pensieve is a stone basin etched with runes and filled with a shimmering, viscous silver substance that we eventually find out are peoples' memories.  Dumbledore, the school Headmaster, can ”download” his thoughts for retrieval and examination at a later time by pressing his magic wand to his temple and extracting material from his brain (which is, despite appearances, a harmless, painless process).  This allows him to “declutter” his mind, which aids him in focusing his full attention and considerable brain power on the matter at hand, and allows him to view his memories from a "third-person" perspective.

"I sometimes find, and I am sure you know the feeling, that I simply have too many thoughts and memories crammed into my mind.”  [Boy, do I know that feeling!] …One simply siphons the excess thoughts from one’s mind, pours them into the basin, and examines them at one’s leisure.  It becomes easier to spot patterns and links, you understand, when they are in this form.”  (Prof. Dumbledore to Harry Potter, Goblet of Fire, pg. 597)

What a wonderful invention!  How much more present, attentive and effective could I be if I could download all the clutter that rattles around in my brain?

Alas, I am a mere Muggle (a non-magical person, in Potter-speak).  What’s a poor Muggle to do?

Write it down.  Make a pencil-and-paper (or electronic) version of a Pensieve.  When my brain gets so cluttered with “to-dos” that I don’t know where to start, it often helps to “download” everything to paper.  I was reminded of that this week, when I got overwhelmed with an accumulation of big and small projects.  I was having a hard time doing anything – but then I remembered the magical Pensieve. Make a massive “To-Do” list (use your laptop or iphone if you prefer).

You may find that you have 50 to 100 items on your mind - no wonder it’s hard to focus!  Write down absolutely everything that comes to mind, whether it needs to be done in the next 5 minutes or the next 5 years, whether it will take 5 minutes or 5 years.   If it’s taking up space in your mind, download it to the paper.  Don’t worry about priority at this point.  Once it is on paper, it will be much easier to prioritize the items into “do, dump or delegate” categories,  and to set up reminder systems for those items that need attention at a later time.

Dump the baggage.  Journal, talk to a friend or coach or get therapy to unload excess baggage from the past.  Do you really want to keep cluttering your brain with that old junk?  And it’s not worth putting in the Pensieve, either.  While in the Harry Potter novels, the Pensieve is used as a flashback device to educate Harry about the events of the past and how they have shaped present reality, not all past events are worth retaining.  Most of us would be loath to give up memories of our baby’s first smile or our teenager's  junior prom, but do we really need to remember every past slight, or hold onto anger, or wallow in self-pity?

Focus.  Meditate, pray or connect with Nature to quiet your mind and access your inner wisdom.  Many people find that focusing the mind on a single point, whether it be the breath, a candle, or the presence of God, substantially quiets the internal “chatter” that often disturbs our peace.  Instead of random thoughts pinging here and there like steel marbles in a pinball machine, we can feel the wholeness of the Universe and more clearly see our direction in it.

These techniques are so powerful, they are almost like magic.  Harry Potter would be impressed.


Full disclosure:  this is an update of a post I wrote in 2007.  But it's still timely - brain decluttering is a task that needs to be repeated from time to time.   I know that I could benefit from doing it at least once a week!

The Spirit of Play

Boy do I need a retreat!  All work and no play is making Cheryl a dull girl.

It's not like I work all the time.  But what's been happening over the last couple of months as I've been ramping up my coachingand retreat business is that I find myself thinking about work too much of the time.  And continuing to work after "quitting time."  Because there is always "one more thing" that would be good to do.  And one more thing after that, and one more thing after that…

Another thing that's been happening is that I've been taking work much too "seriously."  So that work that used to feel like play is now feeling more often like, well, "work."   And the third thing that has been happening is that I haven't been using my downtime – my playtime, so to speak - to do things that really feed my soul and replenish my energy. 

All of this came to the surface as I started to prepare for the upcoming "Spirit of Play" virtual retreat.   What I want is to take my life seriously, but live it lightly.  And that includes work.  And what I want is to bring a spirit of play into my life, including my work.  And what I want is to just be myself,  and to bring my whole self into both my work and my play. 

So I'm planning to retreat and regroup and have some fun this weekend.  Without leaving my family.  Because retreat, like play, is as much as a state of mind as anything.  And I don't want to retreat from my family – I want to engage with them. 

So here's my plan:

1. Start every day with by connecting to Spirit – in bed – before any demands for breakfast or  invitations for canoeing or distractions to read or write or quilt can intervene.


2. Organize family and/or solo hikes to places of particular beauty – high overlooks or secluded ponds.  Scenic vistas feed my soul – and the exercise to get there is great for my body.


3. Enjoy the natural beauty all around – even when we go into town or out in the motorboat.  Be mindful of the sights, sounds, and smells of nature, and of man-made beauty as well.


4. Soak up the sun, if it chooses to grace us.  If it does not, choose to find a way to savor the beauty of the gloomy or rainy days.


5. Ask a friend to lend me a great novel in case I feel like reading (no personal development  reading allowed!)


6. Take a technology fast.


7. If I catch myself thinking about work, acknowledge that, focus my attention elsewhere and let the thought pass through without attachment.  Or – if it's a good one – write it down and forget about it until Tuesday.


8. Allow myself the freedom to write (even about "work") IF that's what I really want to do.  I often get a creative rush when I'm on vacation and in nature, and I want to both honor that and ride the wave.  So writing – and even a bit of journaling – is OK, but no sitting down to write something in particular. 


9. End each day with a prayer of gratitude for this time with my family (regardless of what scuffles have occurred during the day) and for this opportunity for a retreat-without-retreating.

I'll let you know how it goes!

P.S.  Please share your thoughts or links on the spirit of play below.

10 Questions for Your Next Retreat

For me, retreat is all about connection and clarity - first and foremost, taking the time to get connected to the wellspring within, and then, from that place, allowing myself to be open to receiving clarity about issues that are troubling me. 

If you are seeking clarity about something, here are ten of my all-time favorite retreat questions.  I use these often in my own retreats and on the guided retreats I lead for others.  Choose one or more for your next retreat.  Investing just five or ten minutes focusing on just one of these questions could turn out to be a great mini-retreat in itself.

10 Questions for Your Next Retreat

1.      What is going right right now?   (Alternate:  what do I have to be grateful for, amidst the chaos?)

2.      What would I like to create?

3.      What is the very next step?

4.      Am I “playing the victim” in any way?

5.      Am I “shoulding” on myself?  (i.e., saying to myself, I should…)

6.      How can I make this easier and/or more enjoyable?

7.      Am I fighting against “what is”?

8.      What am I hiding? (Alternate:  what don’t I want other people to know)

9.      What small change, if implemented consistently, would make the biggest difference in my life right now? 

10.    What wants to happen here?

Try these questions on for size - and feel free to share your own favorite questions in the comment box below.

Un-Procrastination: The Next Step

Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task.  -William James

A couple of weeks ago, I invited you to make an “Unprocrastination List” – a master list of things long procrastinated - and to start tackling it, one thing at a time.  

Completing long procrastinated tasks can free up enormous amounts of energy - the energy that you are currently using to beat yourself up for not having completed those tasks.

But that list sure looks daunting!  Here's how to get past the overwhelm and get going:  chunk it down.

Look at your list and identify the very next step you need to take on each item.  I discovered this technique in David Allen's Getting Things Done book a few years back, and (when I remember to do it), have found it to invaluable for managing projects large and small.  And for things I have procrastinated, it is essential. 

For example,  the first item on my Unprocrastination List was “new pair of pants.”  Now I know that for many people, getting a new pair of pants would be a simple retail transaction.  Go to the store, take a pair off of the rack, and go pay for them.   But I have trouble finding pants that fit and flatter, and can try on 20 pairs and not find any I like.   I had been thinking about getting a tailor to make me a pair using my favorite (now battered) pair, but dreaded both the cost and the thought of parting with my pants for a week or two.  What would I wear then? 

So, on my list, I identified the next step as “call the tailor and get a cost and time estimate.”  But then I realized that that wasn’t the very next step.  The very  next step – the first step toward completion of this project – was to look up the phone number of the tailor.  So I did that right then (2 minutes on the Internet) and wrote it on The List.  The next step was to call the tailor.  I procrastinated that until the following day. ;-) 

I called the tailor and found out that the cost was much more reasonable than I had imagined.  The next step was to go to the fabric store to buy the material.  Done when I had a chance to shop, two days later.  Next was to take the fabric and my current pants to the tailor, which had to wait a week because that was the first opportunity I had to get there during the hours they are open.  Then I had to wait another week – not because I was procrastinating, but because the tailor’s daughter had a baby.  Remember that there is a difference between delay and procrastination. 

I invite you to take a moment right now to identify the very next step for each item on your Unprocrastination List.  Then when you have a free moment, you can scan the list and tick off one of the “next steps.”  Instead of a big chore, you’ll have one small task to complete.  Slow and steady wins the race.  This will also allow you to bunch errands that can be efficiently done together, rather than going to the office supply store to get folders and realizing after you get there that the dry cleaner is right next door and your dry cleaning is back at home.

So:  what’s the next step?

P.S.   If you've been procrastinating taking a One Hour Retreat, do it before you tackle the other items on your Un-Procrastination List!