Meditation - How Much

The December 2013 issue of Real Simple magazine (page 148) cites a study published in June 2013 in "Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience" - which, according to the Real Simple article, "reported that the practice [of meditation] can reduce anxiety levels by up to 22 percent.  Research has also suggested that meditating can actually form new and permanent neural connections in the brain." "The amazing thing?  All you need is five minutes a day." 

While it is not clear whether the participants in the study meditated only 5 minutes a day, practicing for 5 minutes would certainly be a great start.  And I know from personal experience that that little bit of time can really make a difference.

Here is a link to a shorter version of the article, along with tips for your 5 minute meditation practice:

http://www.realsimple.com/health/mind-mood/how-meditate-00100000115508/index.html

Nature Feeds My Soul

Nature feeds my soul.

I'm assuming it feeds your soul, too, or you would have stopped reading already. 

It is summer here in the US and it stays light late into the evening.  Right now, despite a somewhat cloudy sky, it is still quite light at 8:58 pm.  The sky is blushing a dark pink between the leaves of the trees. I don't often get to see sunsets here in the woods, partly because the trees obscure the western sky and partly because my attention is usually turned elsewhere at this hour of the evening. 

Based on the symphony of sounds I am hearing, there must be dozens, if not hundreds, of birds in the forest immediately surrounding my home.  Not being an avid birder, I can't identify most of them.  But I can still enjoy their impromptu jam session - the improvisational orchestration of at least a dozen different species.

Some carry the melody - probably the robins and orioles.  Others are more percussive, like the drum of the woodpecker and the whistles and maraca-like sounds of others. The occasional sharp caw of the crows and the bass croaks coming from the frogs down by the creek merely add to the beauty of the rest. There is a soft undercurrent of  the buzzing of bees.

I don't do this nearly often enough.

Why?  All I need to do is step outside onto the deck for 5 minutes.  Five minutes of focused listening is worth its weight in gold in restoring my soul:  my equilibrium, my perspective, my connection to Spirit.

And this "focused listening" seems to heighten my other senses as well.  I become aware of the slight, cooling breeze caressing my skin, and  the vivid hot pink of the flush of roses on the climbing vines that mimics that in the sky.  I am aware of the lush greeness of the forest and of the life that goes on there, day and night, without my noticing.  The pale foxgloves at the edge of the forest are almost glowing - ghostlike sentinels in the fading light.

I've been out here about 10 minutes and already the chorus is starting to fade with the light.  There are still a few dozen birds, but their calls are fewer and more far between.  Soon night will fall.  And soon I'll go back inside, back to the TV, the computer, the family and the chores to get ready for tomorrow.

But this evening, I've claimed my manna.

I Hate My Job Because...

About a year ago, before I had transitioned to coaching and was working as a full-time employee, a local coffee shop was holding a raffle for a free lunch.  I picked up an entry slip to enter the drawing, and smiled when I saw what it said:

 I HATE MY JOB BECAUSE....._________________

 My first reaction was a chuckle - and indeed several possible answers leapt to mind.

But immediately following my initial chuckle was another reaction:  sadness.  How sad is it that dissatisfaction with our jobs is so endemic that we run contests about it?

I decided then and there to make a list of things I liked about my job (paid employment):

• It pays the bills, with some left over for non-necessities
• It challenges my intellect
• People appreciate what I do and how I do it
• Most of the people there are fun (I complain about the ones that aren't, but the fact is, most of them are great people, who keep their sense of humor amidst the storms)
• I get a significant amount of paid time off
• I have great bosses
• I learn something new almost every day

And I also listed what I like about my new "job" (coaching):

• I love that moment when people really relax, and let go of the angst that's been holding them hostage, and see the way forward
• I feel blessed to be able to facilitate self-discovery
• It engages my whole self - body, mind and spirit
• I never know what is going to happen next (but it's almost always amazing)
• It allows me to use my whole brain, not the just scholarly left brain
• I meet new people all the time
• I get to help people connect to their best selves, and work and live from that place, with a sense of spaciousness and ease and flow even as they get more done.

I invite you to take a moment now, and consider what you like about your job.  Please share in the comments below.

Can One Minute of Meditation Really Help?

I hear it all the time:  "when I meditate, my life just goes better, but I just can't seem to find the time to make meditation a priority." 

What if you could meditate in one minute?  Can you spare one minute?

Yes, Virginia, even as little as one minute of meditation can help calm your nerves, clear your mind and lift your spirit.  So -- even if you think you can't sit still, even if you are crazy-busy, even if you have to go into the bathroom to do it -- I urge you to give it a try. 

Need someone to lead you along?  Try this a 5 minute video, from the author of the "One Moment Meditation." 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6eFFCi12v8&feature=youtu.be

The video includes a bit of instruction, some helpful tips, and a one-minute meditation.  You may find it helpful to focus on a phrase, rather than just on your breath, for example:  inbreath/outbreath or receiving/surrendering or simply in/out.

Take a moment right now to enjoy a One Moment Meditation, and enjoy a clearer, calmer, more focused rest-of-day.

A 30 Minute Mini-Retreat - Using Visual Images

Feeling off-kilter, but with no time to retreat?

Try this - 15-30 minutes is all you need.

A "One Image" Retreat

Pour a mug or glass of your favorite beverage and get into comfy clothes.  If you enjoy music, put on some relaxing or upbeat music - whatever appeals to you in this moment.  Grab a stack of magazines from around the house or at your local newsstand (3-5 is plenty).  Get an assortment - even those that seem dry or "all business" can work for this retreat.

Take a sip of your beverage, and then close your eyes and take several deep cleansing breaths.  If you'd like, do this standing up and incorporate a bit of movement with your breaths.  Or just sit quietly and invite your body to relax.

Then, sit down with your pile of magazines, and just start paging through them, looking for images that appeal to you.  Don't overthink this, just go with what appeals to you for any reason.  Settle on one (or at most two) that seem to be resonating the most at this moment.  Again, don't overthink this, just go with whatever rises to the surface.  There is no right or wrong, and there is no "perfect" image.

Don't move on until you've selected an image.

Then, simply sit and reflect on that image for several minutes, seeing what messages, thoughts or feelings it brings up.  Stay with it for a while, allowing (but not forcing or requiring) layers of meaning to emerge.  If you'd like, write or sketch or doodle or move a bit about what came up.

Whether or not the image has proven meaningful, post it where you will see it again in the next several days, and invite new meaning to emerge.

Give a silent "thank you" to the Universe for this time of retreat, for the relaxation of this time, and for any wisdom that has emerged, and return to your daily life refreshed by this little break.

Don't Be So Serious - Play!

Some people think of retreats as somewhat somber or serious or "deep" affairs.

And they certainly can be.  People frequently take retreats is to sort out a troubling issue or clear out some negativity that has built up.  And so the energy of retreat is often introspective, inward facing, quiet, and yes, somewhat "serious."  And amidst that energy one often finds in retreat a wellspring of quiet but very real joy.

But retreats do not have to be solo, quiet or serious.  They can be playful, fun, and creative.

In these dark, cold days of winter, it can be especially challenging to keep the spirit of play alive.

I recently stumbled across the "Society of the Secret Play Date."  Productivity through play - what a great way to spend a One Hour Retreat!    I haven't tried this yet, but here's the link, if you want to check it out:  http://smartsandculture.com/blog/2011/april/play-date-04-05.

And don't give me any of that "I'm just not creative" baloney.  I don't consider myself particularly artistic, but incorporating play and creativity into my days and weeks makes me a lot happier and more fun to be around - and more productive too.

Other ways you can play:

• Turn on the radio and dance (no one is watching...)
• Use crayons or markers to color in a coloring book
• Knit, crochet, quilt, etc.
• Write or record a short story for your child or grandchild - you know all her favorite themes
• Bake
• Build a snowman (go with the flow of winter, rather than fighting it)
• Be like Fred Astaire and sing in the rain
• Take a class - learn something new
• Take a "field trip" to a local attraction you've never been to
• Take in a performance you usually wouldn't (try hip-hop if you're a ballet nut, and vice versa)
• Trade knock-knock jokes with a grade-schooler
• Watch your favorite funny movie
• [your ideas here]

I’ve been thinking a lot about play lately.  It just seems to keep coming up – my friends and my clients are all complaining that they want to be able to laugh at work, they want to have time to have fun and enjoy life, they want to stop and smell the roses. 

Play is an essential part of life.  Some high achievers seem to be happy working all the time - but that's because they have combined work and play in a way that is highly satisfying to them.  They literally play at their work.  And that's a great goal - and one I have some growing to do before I'll achieve.

Until then,  I vow to incorporate more play into my life, starting today.  Who's with me?

Get Your Project on Track with a Free One Hour Coaching Retreat (By Telephone)

International Coach Week Special

When you're in business for yourself, it can sometimes feel like everything needs to be done at once.  And the overwhelm of that can sometimes feel like it is taking all the fun out of what started out wanting to be a fun way to make a living!

And sometimes – despite all that needs to be done – we find ourselves procrastinating, and not doing much of anything. 

Enter the Guided One Hour Retreat.  One targeted hour with Cheryl Lyon, CPC , a certified life coach with a spiritual bent, a talent for seeing into the heart of things and the ability to chunk down tasks and see the natural order of things.   

Cheryl  (that's me) loves to help creative people who sometimes feel scattered or overwhelmed use their strengths to get things done, rather than spending all of their energy beating themselves up for not having enough self-discipline… or organization… or focus… or whatever. 

Use your session to:

• Clarify your priorities and decide what needs to be done now and what can wait
• Brainstorm marketing ideas
• Get writing – on your blog, your newsletter, your webpage, or your e-book
• Figure out how to use your time more effectively – and how to take some time off
• Put together a project plan that will help you stay on track, without feeling boxed in
• Explore ways to enjoy your work more AND find time to rest and play.

A bit about Cheryl:  I help professional women, solo-preneurs, and creative types stay on purpose and find ways of working that work for them.  I am a certified life coach.  When clients leave a session with me, they are usually calmer and more grounded AND they have a path forward – a concrete, practical plan to achieve their goals in ways that work for them.  

Most  of my recent clients have been women who consider themselves right-brained or creative and who sometimes struggle to do what they perceive to be left-brained tasks and to stay on track and get things done without feeling like they are on a forced march. I love to help women connect to their whole selves, stop beating themselves up, and use their strengths to find ways of working and getting things done that work for them.

These sessions are being offered at no charge in celebration of International Coach Week, to give more people a chance to experience coaching.  In lieu of payment, I request that you make a donation in whatever amount you choose to your favorite charity.  But that is entirely up to you.

This session is a real coaching session – not a consultation.  We will spend an hour focusing on whatever in your business needs the most attention right now.  (And if you're not sure what that is, we can start with clarifying that.)    This is a one-time, free-standing session – new clients only, please.  If we are having a grand time, I will ask you if you'd like to continue to work with me – but there will be no hard sell and no obligation, just an invitation. 

How to Claim Your Session:

Simply go to my online calendar at https://my.timedriver.com/J4H6J, and book yourself in.  Sessions are available at various times next week.  Only 8 sessions are available, so claim yours now before they are gone! 

Get clear, get focused, get going - and have a bit of fun along the way!

 

P.S. This offer is not limited to business owners or business projects.  If you have a personal project you need to get moving on, I'd love to coach you, too!  Book yourself into a session in my online calendar at https://my.timedriver.com/J4H6J and choose a time that works for you.

20 Minute Meditation "Retreats" - The Real Happiness 28 Day Challenge

As you may have guessed, I am a proponent of meditation.  The reason I love meditation is that it is a spiritual practice with very down-to-earth effects.

Meditation works. On the days that I meditate (and in the weeks and months that I maintain a regular meditation practice, even if not daily), my life runs more smoothly, with a greater sense of grace and flow. I am more open to the possibilities in front of me, rather than caught  up in what I need to get done by the end of the day or the end of the week.  I am calmer, more present, and more easily able to focus.  I am better able (and more likely) to respond rather than react when challenges present themselves or someone says something that ruffles my feathers.  I more often notice when I am taking on the energy of other people, so that I can put up my shield and mitigate its effects.

What do I mean by "meditation"?  Simply a focused time of silence and openness.  Sometimes that might mean paying attention to my breath.  Sometimes it may mean gazing into the light of a candle, and inviting light to flow into and through me.  Sometimes it may mean - gently and with genuine curiosity rather than judgment - watching my thoughts or exploring my emotions.  And sometimes it is something like prayer.

My clients often ask me how to get started with meditation, or how to keep at it when their lives get busy.

One excellent resource is the book Real Happiness by Sharon Salzberg, which also includes a CD with four 20 minute audio meditations to help you get started.  This book was published in the UK under the more descriptive title: The Power of Meditation: A 28-Day Programme for Real Happiness.

I have been recommending this book to everyone I know:   Here's why:

1. It's a simple, secular, "how to" manual for getting started with a meditative practice in 28 days.  Note:  you do not have to meditate every day to "succeed" with this program.  In fact, only three 20 minute periods are "required" in the first week of the program.  And if 20 minutes is too much, you may do 10 minutes, or even 5.  The important thing is not the amount of time but your intention to meditate regularly.


2. It includes suggestions for a dozen or so different ways to meditate, so you can find one that works for you, or mix it up depending on your need or mood.


3. It does not require a certain set of religous beliefs (or any religious belief).  It is a practical, down to earth guide that provides a road map from one who has gone before - and taught countless others (include brief bio of Salzberg).  Patterns of how we can trip ourselves up.


4. Most of all, for the constant refrain of "it's never too late to begin again."  If you set aside 20 minutes to meditate and realize on minute 18 that your mind has been wandering the entire time, you simply begin again with the next breath. 


5. The hard copy book (but, alas, not the Kindle version) includes a CD with audio instructions for four of the meditations, for those who prefer to learn auditorily.

What I found from following this program last September:

• Reading just a few pages every now and again helped me digest the material and helped keep my attention on my intention.


• The audios reinforced the reading, and gave me practice "cues."


• I became much gentler (more compassionate) toward myself, and started extending the compassion I extend to others also to myself.


• I became much more aware of how critical and negative one of my inner voices is, and learned to see the critical tone as a signal that part of me was feeling neglected, or worried, and to listen for the positive message seeking to be expressed.

I am feeling the need, as I do periodically, to be more intentional about my meditation practice, so I will be taking the 28 day challenge again starting February 1st.   I invite you to join me.  The challenge does not require you to meditate for 28 days straight.  In fact, the first week "requires" that you meditate only 3 times, and only for as long as seems possible.  Five or ten minutes three times a week is enough to make a difference.

I'd love to know if you will be joining me.  Please comment below and let me know.

A One Question Retreat

What if you could love yourself the way I love you?  -God


What if you could love yourself the way God loves you?
(Feel free to substitute your own word for God or the name of the most compassionate, loving, welcoming person you know.)

What would it be like to give yourself that level of respect?

What would it be like to give yourself that much empathy and compassion?

What would it be like:

• To see your mistakes through the eyes of love, rather than judgment?
• To really claim your talents, your strengths, and your idiosyncrasies?
• To fully acknowledge your challenges, without being consumed by them?
• To know that you have a God-given right to take up space in this world?
• To treat yourself the way you would treat an honored guest? 

What would that be like?  What if you could love yourself THAT much?

National Relaxation Day - August 15th

According to a recent survey, three-quarters of Americans would like to see National Relaxation Day become a national holiday: http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/americans-want-to-make-national-relaxation-day-an-official-holiday-127456878.html

The survey was commissioned by Princess Cruise Ships, and that could well easily have swayed the results (I'm not maligning the pollsters, just noting the source...) But a casual glance at my friends, colleagues, store clerks and other people I come into contact with every day bears out the truism that people find it hard to find time to relax.

We are being bombarded with information and asked to do more with less every day. It can sometimes feel like we live in a pressure cooker. We get lots of cooking done, but we're waiting for the day we can release the steam valve. Some days it feels like that won't happen until retirement.

Ways to release the valve:

1) Control your e-mail rather than letting it control you:
http://www.wisdomheart.org/2011/meditation-email/

2) Take a lunch break - even if it is only a 10 minute walk to the coffee shop. Getting out of the office, into the plein air will revive you and help you hit the re-set button.

3) Take a One Hour Retreat once a week. Need some ideas? Scroll down for prior posts, or sign up for my free e-book in the box to the right.

4) Take a vacation. It needn't be extravagant. It needn't even be away from home. A stay-cation can work, as long as you are committed to taking a vacation from routine. Painting your house can be a vacation - the Zen of painting is a break from the ringing phone, pinging e-mail and constant interruptions that plague many jobs.

And let it be known that, while the survey says people in general do not agree, I am firmly in the camp of experts who espouse "me" time. While I agree that it can sometimes take a couple of days to truly wind down, I also know that it is possible to relax in a single moment. And practice makes perfect.

What is your favorite way to relax? Please share it below.

Brain Decluttering a la Harry Potter

My daughter grew up on the Harry Potter books - and in some ways, so did I.  So, in honor of today's release of the last of the movie series, I offer a mind clearing technique inspired by Harry Potter.

If you are a Potter fan , you are familiar with Professor Dumbledore’s magical Pensieve.  And, if you're not a Potter fan, you have probably already stopped reading. 

The Pensieve is a stone basin etched with runes and filled with a shimmering, viscous silver substance that we eventually find out are peoples' memories.  Dumbledore, the school Headmaster, can ”download” his thoughts for retrieval and examination at a later time by pressing his magic wand to his temple and extracting material from his brain (which is, despite appearances, a harmless, painless process).  This allows him to “declutter” his mind, which aids him in focusing his full attention and considerable brain power on the matter at hand, and allows him to view his memories from a "third-person" perspective.

"I sometimes find, and I am sure you know the feeling, that I simply have too many thoughts and memories crammed into my mind.”  [Boy, do I know that feeling!] …One simply siphons the excess thoughts from one’s mind, pours them into the basin, and examines them at one’s leisure.  It becomes easier to spot patterns and links, you understand, when they are in this form.”  (Prof. Dumbledore to Harry Potter, Goblet of Fire, pg. 597)

What a wonderful invention!  How much more present, attentive and effective could I be if I could download all the clutter that rattles around in my brain?

Alas, I am a mere Muggle (a non-magical person, in Potter-speak).  What’s a poor Muggle to do?

Write it down.  Make a pencil-and-paper (or electronic) version of a Pensieve.  When my brain gets so cluttered with “to-dos” that I don’t know where to start, it often helps to “download” everything to paper.  I was reminded of that this week, when I got overwhelmed with an accumulation of big and small projects.  I was having a hard time doing anything – but then I remembered the magical Pensieve. Make a massive “To-Do” list (use your laptop or iphone if you prefer).

You may find that you have 50 to 100 items on your mind - no wonder it’s hard to focus!  Write down absolutely everything that comes to mind, whether it needs to be done in the next 5 minutes or the next 5 years, whether it will take 5 minutes or 5 years.   If it’s taking up space in your mind, download it to the paper.  Don’t worry about priority at this point.  Once it is on paper, it will be much easier to prioritize the items into “do, dump or delegate” categories,  and to set up reminder systems for those items that need attention at a later time.

Dump the baggage.  Journal, talk to a friend or coach or get therapy to unload excess baggage from the past.  Do you really want to keep cluttering your brain with that old junk?  And it’s not worth putting in the Pensieve, either.  While in the Harry Potter novels, the Pensieve is used as a flashback device to educate Harry about the events of the past and how they have shaped present reality, not all past events are worth retaining.  Most of us would be loath to give up memories of our baby’s first smile or our teenager's  junior prom, but do we really need to remember every past slight, or hold onto anger, or wallow in self-pity?

Focus.  Meditate, pray or connect with Nature to quiet your mind and access your inner wisdom.  Many people find that focusing the mind on a single point, whether it be the breath, a candle, or the presence of God, substantially quiets the internal “chatter” that often disturbs our peace.  Instead of random thoughts pinging here and there like steel marbles in a pinball machine, we can feel the wholeness of the Universe and more clearly see our direction in it.

These techniques are so powerful, they are almost like magic.  Harry Potter would be impressed.


Full disclosure:  this is an update of a post I wrote in 2007.  But it's still timely - brain decluttering is a task that needs to be repeated from time to time.   I know that I could benefit from doing it at least once a week!

The Spirit of Play

Boy do I need a retreat!  All work and no play is making Cheryl a dull girl.

It's not like I work all the time.  But what's been happening over the last couple of months as I've been ramping up my coachingand retreat business is that I find myself thinking about work too much of the time.  And continuing to work after "quitting time."  Because there is always "one more thing" that would be good to do.  And one more thing after that, and one more thing after that…

Another thing that's been happening is that I've been taking work much too "seriously."  So that work that used to feel like play is now feeling more often like, well, "work."   And the third thing that has been happening is that I haven't been using my downtime – my playtime, so to speak - to do things that really feed my soul and replenish my energy. 

All of this came to the surface as I started to prepare for the upcoming "Spirit of Play" virtual retreat.   What I want is to take my life seriously, but live it lightly.  And that includes work.  And what I want is to bring a spirit of play into my life, including my work.  And what I want is to just be myself,  and to bring my whole self into both my work and my play. 

So I'm planning to retreat and regroup and have some fun this weekend.  Without leaving my family.  Because retreat, like play, is as much as a state of mind as anything.  And I don't want to retreat from my family – I want to engage with them. 

So here's my plan:

1. Start every day with by connecting to Spirit – in bed – before any demands for breakfast or  invitations for canoeing or distractions to read or write or quilt can intervene.


2. Organize family and/or solo hikes to places of particular beauty – high overlooks or secluded ponds.  Scenic vistas feed my soul – and the exercise to get there is great for my body.


3. Enjoy the natural beauty all around – even when we go into town or out in the motorboat.  Be mindful of the sights, sounds, and smells of nature, and of man-made beauty as well.


4. Soak up the sun, if it chooses to grace us.  If it does not, choose to find a way to savor the beauty of the gloomy or rainy days.


5. Ask a friend to lend me a great novel in case I feel like reading (no personal development  reading allowed!)


6. Take a technology fast.


7. If I catch myself thinking about work, acknowledge that, focus my attention elsewhere and let the thought pass through without attachment.  Or – if it's a good one – write it down and forget about it until Tuesday.


8. Allow myself the freedom to write (even about "work") IF that's what I really want to do.  I often get a creative rush when I'm on vacation and in nature, and I want to both honor that and ride the wave.  So writing – and even a bit of journaling – is OK, but no sitting down to write something in particular. 


9. End each day with a prayer of gratitude for this time with my family (regardless of what scuffles have occurred during the day) and for this opportunity for a retreat-without-retreating.

I'll let you know how it goes!

P.S.  Please share your thoughts or links on the spirit of play below.

10 Questions for Your Next Retreat

For me, retreat is all about connection and clarity - first and foremost, taking the time to get connected to the wellspring within, and then, from that place, allowing myself to be open to receiving clarity about issues that are troubling me. 

If you are seeking clarity about something, here are ten of my all-time favorite retreat questions.  I use these often in my own retreats and on the guided retreats I lead for others.  Choose one or more for your next retreat.  Investing just five or ten minutes focusing on just one of these questions could turn out to be a great mini-retreat in itself.

10 Questions for Your Next Retreat

1.      What is going right right now?   (Alternate:  what do I have to be grateful for, amidst the chaos?)

2.      What would I like to create?

3.      What is the very next step?

4.      Am I “playing the victim” in any way?

5.      Am I “shoulding” on myself?  (i.e., saying to myself, I should…)

6.      How can I make this easier and/or more enjoyable?

7.      Am I fighting against “what is”?

8.      What am I hiding? (Alternate:  what don’t I want other people to know)

9.      What small change, if implemented consistently, would make the biggest difference in my life right now? 

10.    What wants to happen here?

Try these questions on for size - and feel free to share your own favorite questions in the comment box below.

Un-Procrastination: The Next Step

Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task.  -William James

A couple of weeks ago, I invited you to make an “Unprocrastination List” – a master list of things long procrastinated - and to start tackling it, one thing at a time.  

Completing long procrastinated tasks can free up enormous amounts of energy - the energy that you are currently using to beat yourself up for not having completed those tasks.

But that list sure looks daunting!  Here's how to get past the overwhelm and get going:  chunk it down.

Look at your list and identify the very next step you need to take on each item.  I discovered this technique in David Allen's Getting Things Done book a few years back, and (when I remember to do it), have found it to invaluable for managing projects large and small.  And for things I have procrastinated, it is essential. 

For example,  the first item on my Unprocrastination List was “new pair of pants.”  Now I know that for many people, getting a new pair of pants would be a simple retail transaction.  Go to the store, take a pair off of the rack, and go pay for them.   But I have trouble finding pants that fit and flatter, and can try on 20 pairs and not find any I like.   I had been thinking about getting a tailor to make me a pair using my favorite (now battered) pair, but dreaded both the cost and the thought of parting with my pants for a week or two.  What would I wear then? 

So, on my list, I identified the next step as “call the tailor and get a cost and time estimate.”  But then I realized that that wasn’t the very next step.  The very  next step – the first step toward completion of this project – was to look up the phone number of the tailor.  So I did that right then (2 minutes on the Internet) and wrote it on The List.  The next step was to call the tailor.  I procrastinated that until the following day. ;-) 

I called the tailor and found out that the cost was much more reasonable than I had imagined.  The next step was to go to the fabric store to buy the material.  Done when I had a chance to shop, two days later.  Next was to take the fabric and my current pants to the tailor, which had to wait a week because that was the first opportunity I had to get there during the hours they are open.  Then I had to wait another week – not because I was procrastinating, but because the tailor’s daughter had a baby.  Remember that there is a difference between delay and procrastination. 

I invite you to take a moment right now to identify the very next step for each item on your Unprocrastination List.  Then when you have a free moment, you can scan the list and tick off one of the “next steps.”  Instead of a big chore, you’ll have one small task to complete.  Slow and steady wins the race.  This will also allow you to bunch errands that can be efficiently done together, rather than going to the office supply store to get folders and realizing after you get there that the dry cleaner is right next door and your dry cleaning is back at home.

So:  what’s the next step?

P.S.   If you've been procrastinating taking a One Hour Retreat, do it before you tackle the other items on your Un-Procrastination List! 

Retreat from Procrastination

It turns out that we can blame our propensity to procrastinate on biology. 

So you’re not a lazy slug – you are the victim of your genes!  Blame it on your limbic system.  An article in the April issue of Real Simple magazine reports that scientists have found that the limbic system, which is the part of the brain that kicks in to cause you to flee from dangerous circumstances, also kicks in to cause you to flee from unpleasant tasks. 

Because the limbic system operates on autopilot, it often wins out against the more deliberate pre-frontal cortex.  The pre-frontal cortex is the part of your brain that can review all of the data and make conscious and wise decisions.  Like, for instance, “if I do the dishes right now, it’ll only take 5 minutes, but if I wait three days, it will take me 15 minutes to scrub off that caked-on gunk and another 20 to do the rest of the dishes that have accumulated.”  Or, as another, more important, example, “if I keep up with my annual health screenings, I'll be much more likely to avoid major health problems down the road."

The Real Simple article includes seven ideas for by-passing the procrastination response and tricking yourself into productivity.  The one that caught my eye – and the one I had never heard before -  was to “plan an unprocrastination day.”  A Real Simple editor and one of her friends cooked up this idea, and spent an entire day (9am to 7pm) doing errands they had long put off. 

While the concept of unprocrastination intrigued me, the idea of devoting a whole day to the dreaded tasks sounded like cruel and unusual punishment, even with the support of a friend. But after reading this article, the idea of unprocrastination  took hold and wouldn’t let go.  So I decided to make my own Unprocrastination List, and just tackle a few a week.    The Unprocrastination List is different than a to-do list.  For one thing, I don't have any intention of doing them all today, or even this week.  For another, I'll stop transferring them from day to day (month to month, year to year....) on my other lists.  I'll just matter of factly tackle one or two at at time, one step at a time.  It’s only been a couple of weeks, but I’ve already ticked a few things off my Unprocrastination List, and made progress on others. 

Perhaps more importantly, I’m more conscious of not procrastinating things in the first place. So today, as I was about to sit down and buff up this article, I remembered that I had a couple of higher priority things to do first.  They weren’t nearly as fun as writing, but they had a higher value in the grand scheme.  My first thought was to do this article first and then do the other things “later.”  Then the irony of that hit me – I was about to procrastinate some non-urgent but important tasks to write an article about avoiding procrastination.  The complete absurdity of that engaged my pre-frontal cortex (and my funny bone), and  I am pleased to report that I "unprocrastinated" the most important things, and completed them.  And then wrote this post.    

What can you unprocrastinate?  Play with that idea over the next few weeks and see where it leads....

For more tips on avoiding procrastination, see http://www.realsimple.com/work-life/life-strategies/time-management/how-to-stop-procrastinating-00000000055280/index.html .  Or get the April issue of Real Simple magazine if you want more background in the brain science behind the tips.

I’ll be posting some of my own tips soon.  Feel free to share your best unprocrastination tips in the comments box below.

Note to readers:  I’m finding the retreat theme to be a bit “one-note” and I suspect you may be too.  So I will be broadening the scope of this blog to include thoughts on some of those things in life that cause us to want to retreat, and tips and techniques to help us carry the benefits of retreat back out into our daily lives.

Stop, Look and Listen - A Retreat for Lent (whether or not you observe Lent)

If you are of Christian heritage, you may or may not know that the Christian season of Lent started yesterday.  The season of Lent used to have a vaguely negative association for me, resulting in a vaguely guilty feeling that I should be doing more to observe it, that I should be denying myself, suffering in some way, sacrificing in some way.  This despite the fact that when I was a child, my church barely mentioned Lent, and required no sacrifice or suffering.

The Catholic kids I knew always gave up candy for Lent.  Kids being kids, they were never able to explain to me what the point of it was, other than that they "had to," or "to understand the suffering of Christ."  I never understood what giving up M&Ms for the duration of Lent could possibly have to do with understanding God.

I now understand that there are various ways of observing Lent, just as there are various spiritual practices that can help us draw closer to God.  Fasting may be one path, but this post is not about fasting. It is about using the 40 days of Lent as a time of reflection, in whatever way works for you, with the goal of returning yourself to a closer alignment with God

Who among us couldn't benefit from living in closer alignment with God, or Spirit, or the Universe, or whatever words you use to describe the indescribable Source and Connection and Love? 

Whether or not you consider yourself Christian, why not take some time this week (and perhaps some time in each of the next six weeks) to stop, look and listen for Spirit?  Stop what you are doing, look (really look) at your life; and listen (really listen) to Source. 

Stop.  Set aside some time - an hour would be great, but 15 minutes will do - to just stop.  Find a place of solitude, whether in your home, a pubic garden or library, or even your car - where you can be alone and undisturbed for this brief period of retreat.  Bring something to take notes - either a pen and paper, or an electronic notepad of some sort.

Look.  Look - really look - at what is going on in your life right now.  Are certain areas being neglected?  Are others getting too much of your attention, perhaps due to guilt or a feeling of obligation?  Observe - with as little self-criticism as you can manage - and make notes.  How often are you living from center?  We all get off-balance from time to time, from hour to hour, even from moment to moment.  But how much time, in the aggregate, are you living from center, with intention, as opposed to running from place to place without giving thought to other options and other choices you might make? Once again, observe, without judgment, and make notes.

Listen.  Listen to your heart.  Listen to that wise voice inside of you, whether you call that voice God, or Spirit, or your Higher Self, or something else.  Listen to what that voice has to say to you.

Act.  Heed that voice, and take action to follow it.  You may not be able to change your bad habits or your kids' overcrowded schedules overnight, but you can take action every day to bring your life into greater alignment with your values and your purpose for being here.

Repeat.  Make retreat a habit.  Make listening to the voice of Wisdom a habit.  Make living in alignment with Wisdom a habit.  And, over time, you will find yourself living more and more in alignment with your values, and with that voice of Wisdom.  And you will find yourself being able to recognize that voice of Wisdom more readily, and able to live from that place of center more easily - even while in the midst of the daily chaos. 

If you are of Christian heritage and are still considering whether or not to "do something" for Lent, here are two resources:

1) Meditations for Lent:  Into His Presence, a six-week guided meditation practice which is available by telephone free of charge.  (Full disclosure:  I lead this series on behalf of the Oxford United Methodist Church.)  As Christians, we believe that God is ever-present and always with us.  But the question is:  how often are we present to God?  In this series, we will practice ways of opening ourselves to the Presence of God, and of removing blocks that keep us from allowing ourselves to be present to God.  The series starts on March 9th, but you can join at any time in the next six weeks.  You can participate live or listen to the recordings, and you can attend as many or as few sessions as you would like to or are able to. For details, send an e-mail to lentenmed2011@aweber.com.  

2) For more active ways to observe the Lenten season, check out the "Top Ten List:  Things You Can Try for the Lenten Season" in this Lent 101 blog post from Upper Room Ministries (scroll about half-way down the page for the list): http://www.upperroom.org/methodx/thelife/articles/lent101.asp

A Spa Retreat - Ahhh...

At home or at the spa, services that relax and nurture your body also relax and nurture your mind and soul.  Treat yourself to a spa retreat this month.  If time and/or funds are tight (as they often are this time of year), then give yourself a "spa retreat" at home.

Choose one or more of the following activities, whichever appeal to you:

• Manicure
• Pedicure
• Bubble bath
• Long shower
• Aromatherapy (essential oils or scented candles)
• Nap
• Facial
• Yoga, Pilates or gentle stretching
• Meditation (silent or using an audio recording)
• Fresh made soup (chicken, lentil or vegetable)
• Journaling
• An uplifting movie
• A tall glass of water, with a wedge of lemon
• Herb tea
• Snuggling up by a fireplace 

If you have a willing partner, you might even be able to finangle a massage.  If not, treat yourself to a self-massage:  do a few minutes of very gentle stretching and finish by gently kneading your hands and feet, being sure to cover each finger and toe and both the tops and bottoms of your hands and feet.

Ahhh...

Breathing Space

"I just need a little room to breathe...," I complained to a friend.

And suddenly it became clear to me:  I am the only one who can give myself that space.  I am the only one who can say no, the only one who can reschedule my obligations and commitments, the only one who can delegate, ask for, or hire help.   I am the only one who can let myself relax when I do have a spare minute, rather than spending that time thinking how busy I am, berating myself for not planning more carefully, or grousing about how so-and-so should be helping me with whatever-it-is.  I am the only one who can give myself room to breathe.

What about you?  No matter HOW busy you are, you CAN give yourself room to breathe.  But it takes a conscious effort to stop and truly let go of everything that is going on.  To stop planning, to stop worrying, to stop grousing and complaining and berating yourself and others.  To allow yourself a little space.

As I was writing this, I looked up from my computer and glanced out the window.  A flock of chickadees was flitting back and forth from the feeders to the shrubs.  I said to myself, "get back to work!"  And then I realized, THIS is what I am talking about.  THIS is what life is about - allowing myself the breathing room to take a mere 30 seconds to enjoy watching the birds, to let my body relax, to restore my soul.

So what about you?  How can  you give yourself a little breathing room?  How WILL you give yourself a little breathing room?

How NOT to Retreat

True confessions....  I - me - the one whose mantra is"if you are overwhelmed, off-kilter, confused, or just want to get more focused and in flow, take a short retreat" - I actually had myself convinced that launching a new venture constituted a "retreat." 

I had some basis for this.  After all, rational-lies do tend to have a kernel of logic.  I do occasionally do things on my retreats that to the outside world would appear to be "work."  For instance, a few years back, my husband and daughter were traveling on the day after Christmas.  I decided to give myself the gift of that day to try to get my life in order (this was before I had articulated the At Home Retreat concept).  I looked forward to having that day all to myself during the entire month of December. 

On my appointed retreat day, I spent several hours collecting my stacks of unsorted important and unimportant papers, unread magazines, outstanding to-dos, undone errands, wish lists,  assorted household clutter and other "open items" and sorting through them using David Allen's "Getting Things Done" system.  I can't say it was the most fun I've ever had, but it did have a Zen-like quality to it.  David's system forces you to single task and deal with one item at a time (without losing track of other priorities).  I was taking control of my life again - and that was liberating.  And while it was "work," it was also a form of self-care, a giving of attention to things that needed attention, a collecting of "to-do's" that allowed me to see the true priorities and what needed to be dropped or delegated.  I had a LOT of stuff, and, as satisfying as the work was, it took a fair amount of energy, so I didn't finish it that day.  But I did "do, drop or delegate" a lot of items, and got much needed clarity, at a global as well as a detail level, about what was left to be done.  I felt much more in control of my busy life when I was done.  And that sense of calm and control lasted for months afterward. Vestiges of it are still with me today, in the systems I have in place and the knowledge that I can regain control on those occassions when life happens and things have slipped a bit.

I have also been known to use a One Hour Retreat to get clarity about a business issue or to brainstorm strategies.  And if my intention for the time was to take a step back in order to obtain clarity and focus, that time did in fact constitute a "retreat."

So, with that history, I looked forward to using this year's post-holiday retreat (yesterday) to finalize the launch of my new "30 Days to Done: Get Your Writing Done" online series.  (If you happen to be interested in that, you can get the details here: http://wingedlifecoaching.com/30daystodone.html)

But now I have to admit (gulp!) that that was not a retreat.  That was work.  Not "special" work, like the Getting It Done exercise I went through a few years ago, or "clarity and focus" work -  just everyday tasks that needed to get done and had gotten delayed due to the holidays.  And while I am really excited about completing the launch of the program, and looking forward to being able to share in my clients' success as they do in fact get their writing done, that doesn't make doing that work into a retreat.

And so now I'm planning a real retreat, starting as soon as I publish this post.  I know I "should" be publicizing the writing program, and I "should" be planning for the New Year (and I have been doing some thinking about that).  But right now, what I need is to relax and just be....

Retreats are great for planning, re-grouping, re-prioritizing, doing something creative, or jump-starting a spiritual practice.  But we don't always need to DO something on our retreats.  Sometimes, we can just be.  Just relax, have a cup of hot chocolate or hot coffee or hot toddy, sit by the fireplace or under a cozy blanket, and just nap, read, or listen to a favorite bit of music.

We don't always have to journal, pray, or do yoga.  We don't always have to plan or prioritize or observe. Sometimes we can - sometimes we need to - just be.

I invite you to take a "just being" retreat this week.  Take an hour (or more!) and let yourself truly unwind, let go, and be at peace.

Happy be-ing!

P.S. If you are in the mood for a New Year's oriented retreat, here is one to try: http://www.genuinecoaching.com/celebrating-the-gifts-of-the-year-a-new-year-exercise.html
This is from Linda Dessau, one of my favorite writing gurus.  I just discovered this site today, and found out that Linda is also a creativity coach.  I love her New Year's exercise, especially the emphasis on looking at how you've changed and grown, not just on what you've accomplished.  And the exercise from The Art of Possibility (the Zanders call it "Give Yourself An A") is one of my favorites.  Reminds me that it's time for me to revisit that book!

If you're beating yourself up over too much December indulgence of one type or another, check out last year's One Hour Retreat suggestion here:  http://onehourretreat.blogspot.com/2010/01/holiday-hangover-dont-make-it-worse.html

Happy retreating!

A Gratitude Retreat?? Get Real!

Thanksgiving is upon us - and offers a perfect time to take a gratitude retreat.

I know, I know - it sounds pretty hokey.  But stay with me, just for a minute.

Turns out that counting your blessings is actually good for you (and yes, I do know that the family you may be spending Thanksgiving with may or may not be among your blessings...)  Researchers have found that practicing gratitude will likely improve not only your mood, but also your resistance to illness, the quality of your sleep and your progress toward your goals!

Spiritual traditions have touted the practice of gratitude for millenia.  And now studies by Robert Emmons, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of California at Davis, and others have provided scientific evidence to back up the anecdotal evidence.  Even business schools (Graziadio School of Business and Management) and WebMD tout the benefits of an attitude of gratitude. 

A simple way to practice gratitude is to take just 3-5 minutes on two or three evenings in the next week to write down what you are grateful for.  List as many things as you can think of in the time you have allotted, or write in more depth about three things and why you are grateful for them.

If you find this practice helpful, continue it indefinitely, or whenever things don’t seem to be going your way.

For more on this subject, check out THANKS! How Practicing Gratitude Can Make You Happier (New York: Mariner Books, 2008) by Robert Emmons, PhD.

I am grateful that you are taking time to retreat!  I am convinced that if we each took a One Hour Retreat once a week and 3-5 minute mini-retreats once or twice a week, the world would be a better place.

Happy Thanks-Giving!